Thanks For Making Me a Mom.

Today marks an anniversary of sorts. One that we had planned on for a little while. Well, plan really probably isnt the RIGHT word, but it will work. We planned to start a family, we planned your room, your name and heck when we discovered you wouldnt come out on your own, we planned to have you by c section on August 21, 2001. What we didnt plan on was a few things that lied ahead amongst all this "planning".

Skyler James Caughlin

8/21/2002

12:28pm

You came out screaming your teeny weeny head (Who am I kidding...You were giagantic at 8lbs 15oz and a head the size of a toddler, you can thank your dad). Anyway, you were loud and made yourself present. I still remember about every detail of that half day. The tears of joy, the initial sad 'oh darn a cleft palate', the fact you had extra fluid in your lungs you struggled with. Your sweet scrunched face I got to kiss when your dad brought you over to me. I was in love, and oblivious to what we faced. You continued to bounce around in stability and so did I. The pain of a c seciton, if you havent had the joy of having one...well it sucks. I asked, BEGGED them to let me go to sleep. So they did.

Probably an hour later I was abruptly woken by my Dr. He continued to inform me of the issues Skyler faced. Still high as can be I tried to process what I could. Between that news and becoming so violently sick from anesthesia, it was a LONG LONG 8 hrs before they allowed Mike to bring Skyler in and let me hold him for a few moments.

It wasnt until 3 days later did we really get a grasp of what was going to become our life.

I relive this day every year at this time. I dont know. Im sure all moms do, its the birth of your child. But I really hope one day I can think about it with out becoming a weepy mess. Probably a form of coping.

Today you are not here with us on your special day. You are hopefully being treated like the prince that you are at Camp Stanley Stamm in Wilkeson, WA. How awesome is it you get to be at Camp on your day! they said you would be thrown a big party, I sure hope that is true!

 It seems very weird that Mike and I have been "mom and dad" for 11 years. (almost as crazy thought as Husband and Wife for 12!)

Today is a little bitter sweet and alot of memories come rushing back. Im sitting at Children's waiting for Spencer to come out of eye surgery, again.

                                    Smells, sounds, sights, all very familiar to me right now.

I walked this hall today, I remember waddling as fast as my mending little body could after skyler on a gurney. Today as I left the pre op Room Once they took spencer, I really reflected on where we had been and where we are going as a family. And how much we have grown and learned in 11 short (but seemingly long) years. I know many people have walked this walk, and thought these thoughts, and even had more saddening outcomes than our family. I chose to look at the good. I want my kids to feel their purpose, and not pity.

  But I can't say enough how very thankful I am for this hospital. Our family, friends and communities around us are so very lucky. 

Until later this week (I promise)

All our love,

Casie and all the boys